Thursday, October 28, 2004
No Excitement
Nothing really going on here. Spent last weekend at Cedar Point with the VC. Had a great time eventhough it started raining about 4:00pm on Saturday. During a normal theme park day, that wouldn't be an issue. Parks usually open at 10:00am. By 4:00pm, you've been at the park 6 hours and tired of waiting in lines. This time the park didn't open until noon and was to stay open until midnight. Also the haunted houses/areas weren't opening until after 7:00pm. That left a lot to do that didn't get done. But we made lemonade instead.
The Lion knew of a fun bar/restaurant that we visited once the rain began. Food stunk. Atmosphere was fun. Next to the restaurant was a bowling alley. We ended up bowling 3 games. I had high score all three. 135, 165 and 156. Lion wasn't pleased. During the second game he really pushed me for the first 6 frames. He was leading during most of it, but he cracked and I didn't. The last game he fell apart. Tin Man was consistant. Toto had a 22 the first game. Ended up with a respectable 117 the third game. For someone who doesn't bowl, that's respectable. Considering I was in a league for a number of years and Terror and I bowled at the Compound this summer, my scores were to be expected.
After bowling we enjoyed one of Sandusky's finest bars. After enduring a 1 1/2 hour, poorly produced, drag show, I have renewed love for Chicago's bars.
We skipped going to practice as we would have need to leave Sandusky at 7:00am in order to make it to practice. Getting back to the hotel at 2:30am, didn't make the 6:00am wake up call appealling. While the drive and practice would have been a nightmare on 4 hours of sleep, the stories we've heard have made me wished we tried. A number of guys got hit, a few of the girls were crying, an emotional roller coaster that would habe been fun to enjoy first hand.
On Tuesday went to Night of 100 Drag Queens at Sidetrack to watch Tin Man and another cheerleader perform. The cheerleader was the drag queen, Tin Man choreographed and danced in the number. Tina, Glinda, Toto and a 2nd cheerleader(Monkey 1) were there to watch also. Monkey is an evil, evil, little creature. Becuase of him, I didn't leave until after 1:00am and spent all day Wednesday feeling under the weather. He will learn about my paybacks. Lion's brother got a taste at Cedar Point over the weekend. Don't buy a person a shot and then not partake yourself. He bought Lion a Prairie Fire (tequila and tobasco) to be evil to his brother. I saw he didn't do one himself, so I bought him one and said drink up. And yes I did a shot too. Prairie Fire is my evil shot of choice. Tequila is plain evil, but to add tobasco is just that little bit of ha ha, to make it fun.
Like I said not much excitement going on.
Nothing really going on here. Spent last weekend at Cedar Point with the VC. Had a great time eventhough it started raining about 4:00pm on Saturday. During a normal theme park day, that wouldn't be an issue. Parks usually open at 10:00am. By 4:00pm, you've been at the park 6 hours and tired of waiting in lines. This time the park didn't open until noon and was to stay open until midnight. Also the haunted houses/areas weren't opening until after 7:00pm. That left a lot to do that didn't get done. But we made lemonade instead.
The Lion knew of a fun bar/restaurant that we visited once the rain began. Food stunk. Atmosphere was fun. Next to the restaurant was a bowling alley. We ended up bowling 3 games. I had high score all three. 135, 165 and 156. Lion wasn't pleased. During the second game he really pushed me for the first 6 frames. He was leading during most of it, but he cracked and I didn't. The last game he fell apart. Tin Man was consistant. Toto had a 22 the first game. Ended up with a respectable 117 the third game. For someone who doesn't bowl, that's respectable. Considering I was in a league for a number of years and Terror and I bowled at the Compound this summer, my scores were to be expected.
After bowling we enjoyed one of Sandusky's finest bars. After enduring a 1 1/2 hour, poorly produced, drag show, I have renewed love for Chicago's bars.
We skipped going to practice as we would have need to leave Sandusky at 7:00am in order to make it to practice. Getting back to the hotel at 2:30am, didn't make the 6:00am wake up call appealling. While the drive and practice would have been a nightmare on 4 hours of sleep, the stories we've heard have made me wished we tried. A number of guys got hit, a few of the girls were crying, an emotional roller coaster that would habe been fun to enjoy first hand.
On Tuesday went to Night of 100 Drag Queens at Sidetrack to watch Tin Man and another cheerleader perform. The cheerleader was the drag queen, Tin Man choreographed and danced in the number. Tina, Glinda, Toto and a 2nd cheerleader(Monkey 1) were there to watch also. Monkey is an evil, evil, little creature. Becuase of him, I didn't leave until after 1:00am and spent all day Wednesday feeling under the weather. He will learn about my paybacks. Lion's brother got a taste at Cedar Point over the weekend. Don't buy a person a shot and then not partake yourself. He bought Lion a Prairie Fire (tequila and tobasco) to be evil to his brother. I saw he didn't do one himself, so I bought him one and said drink up. And yes I did a shot too. Prairie Fire is my evil shot of choice. Tequila is plain evil, but to add tobasco is just that little bit of ha ha, to make it fun.
Like I said not much excitement going on.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
The F Experiment
Well as of last night the F Experiment has ended. F has turned in his keys and left the building.
Of the 5 preceeding nights, F wasn't home 4 of the nights, staying who knows where instead. This isn't a big deal, but neither B nor I knew where he was and if we should be concerned. B also felt that if he was able to find a place to stay, then he didn't need our front porch.
Over this past week, B has been frustrated by F's lack of effort in changing the situation he has found himself in. None or very, very minimal job / apartment / roommate searching has been done. This lack of initiative has been very difficult B to understand. When B first moved to Chicago, he stayed with a friend for a couple of weeks while he got the lay of the land and found his own apartment. Also B feels that if something happened, he would have stayed in his car for only a day or two, a week tops. He would have done what was necessary to change the situation. F has spent the past 5 months in his car. 5 months becomes a choice, not a necessity.
Since our talk last week, F did try a couple of times to be a part of our family and add energy to the house. But what he didn't realize is by being gone so long, staying to himself when around the past 5 days, pretty much negated any forward progress previously made.
When the kids, B and I can't go up to the front porch becuase it's F's room, that impacts us. The kids love to look out the windows and see what's going on down the street. They also love to watch the birds and squirrels. F has impacted them too. His requiring us to close off that room drains energy from the home. His not joining in with the house activities drains energy. All of this has pushed me to my limit.
I finally called Monday night to see how he was doing. Got his unpersonalized voicemailbox and left a message. The next morning I received a 2 page email thanking me for the call and explaining why he feels he's in the situation he's in. I read it. Most of it was re-tread of stuff I already knew. I replied that since his belongings were gone and he hadn't been home but 1 night out of 5, B and I figured he'd moved on. F replied that wasn't exactly the case, but since B and I felt that he had, he'd stop by and return the house keys.
F stopped by Tuesday night. I tried to get him to talk about what he did over the weekend. Got zilch from him. Even tried asking a variety of ways. His cheerleader co-worker told me that he told her he had gone for a beach walk with some guy. He never even mentioned this to me. Tried to get him to talk about his next steps. No improvement there. Still the vague, find a better job or a second job then find an apartment. He's seeing a headhunter tomorrow, hopefully they have better luck helping him.
Throughout our agonizing conversation, I got the feeling that he was hoping I'd offer to let him stay the night. Not happening. Once I make up my mind, I rarely change it. Also I'm not the socially nice one. That would be B. While I may appear to be the kind hearted one, I'm also the biggest hard ass. B is much more fluid. I did have to restrain myself from offering, but knew if I did things wouldn't get better or change. I had mentioned in the email and again during the conversation that if there was anything B and I could do to help him, if we were able to do so, we would. Laid it all out there for him to ask to stay another night or two. Had he asked, would have said yes in a heartbeat. All of our frustration has been caused by B and I offering or doing everything. He has never asked. Until he learns to ask for help, I'm done.
This has been a very hard situation for me to go through. I feel like a huge ass and cold hearted bastard. All of our friends have supported us and said we did the right things, but it still doesn't make me feel better. As much as B and I said this was going to be a learning experience for F, I have a feeling it was just as much a learning experience for us. I just hope I realize what I was to learn becuase until then I have a huge guilt rock in my stomach.
Well as of last night the F Experiment has ended. F has turned in his keys and left the building.
Of the 5 preceeding nights, F wasn't home 4 of the nights, staying who knows where instead. This isn't a big deal, but neither B nor I knew where he was and if we should be concerned. B also felt that if he was able to find a place to stay, then he didn't need our front porch.
Over this past week, B has been frustrated by F's lack of effort in changing the situation he has found himself in. None or very, very minimal job / apartment / roommate searching has been done. This lack of initiative has been very difficult B to understand. When B first moved to Chicago, he stayed with a friend for a couple of weeks while he got the lay of the land and found his own apartment. Also B feels that if something happened, he would have stayed in his car for only a day or two, a week tops. He would have done what was necessary to change the situation. F has spent the past 5 months in his car. 5 months becomes a choice, not a necessity.
Since our talk last week, F did try a couple of times to be a part of our family and add energy to the house. But what he didn't realize is by being gone so long, staying to himself when around the past 5 days, pretty much negated any forward progress previously made.
When the kids, B and I can't go up to the front porch becuase it's F's room, that impacts us. The kids love to look out the windows and see what's going on down the street. They also love to watch the birds and squirrels. F has impacted them too. His requiring us to close off that room drains energy from the home. His not joining in with the house activities drains energy. All of this has pushed me to my limit.
I finally called Monday night to see how he was doing. Got his unpersonalized voicemailbox and left a message. The next morning I received a 2 page email thanking me for the call and explaining why he feels he's in the situation he's in. I read it. Most of it was re-tread of stuff I already knew. I replied that since his belongings were gone and he hadn't been home but 1 night out of 5, B and I figured he'd moved on. F replied that wasn't exactly the case, but since B and I felt that he had, he'd stop by and return the house keys.
F stopped by Tuesday night. I tried to get him to talk about what he did over the weekend. Got zilch from him. Even tried asking a variety of ways. His cheerleader co-worker told me that he told her he had gone for a beach walk with some guy. He never even mentioned this to me. Tried to get him to talk about his next steps. No improvement there. Still the vague, find a better job or a second job then find an apartment. He's seeing a headhunter tomorrow, hopefully they have better luck helping him.
Throughout our agonizing conversation, I got the feeling that he was hoping I'd offer to let him stay the night. Not happening. Once I make up my mind, I rarely change it. Also I'm not the socially nice one. That would be B. While I may appear to be the kind hearted one, I'm also the biggest hard ass. B is much more fluid. I did have to restrain myself from offering, but knew if I did things wouldn't get better or change. I had mentioned in the email and again during the conversation that if there was anything B and I could do to help him, if we were able to do so, we would. Laid it all out there for him to ask to stay another night or two. Had he asked, would have said yes in a heartbeat. All of our frustration has been caused by B and I offering or doing everything. He has never asked. Until he learns to ask for help, I'm done.
This has been a very hard situation for me to go through. I feel like a huge ass and cold hearted bastard. All of our friends have supported us and said we did the right things, but it still doesn't make me feel better. As much as B and I said this was going to be a learning experience for F, I have a feeling it was just as much a learning experience for us. I just hope I realize what I was to learn becuase until then I have a huge guilt rock in my stomach.
Monday, October 04, 2004
Helping Another
A week ago B and I hosted a party/fundraiser out our home. The fundraiser was for an African medical facility a friend of ours visited while on safari last spring. Turns out that the Billions of dollars sent to Africa don't reach any of the small village medical centers. B and I decided to host a party where people brought medical supplies so we can send them to the medical facility and help them out a bit. About 50 people showed up and we raised a couple of boxes worth of supplies. Some of our guests really went all out. Coming with $50 plus is stuff is impressive.
One of our guests brought a friend from work. F received a noticable reaction upon entering the party. Being 23 with a tight little body covered in a wife beater and a long-sleeve shirt so tight you could see the veins in his bicepts goes along way. Numerous of the resident vultures went for the kill. Being a little 23 year old, he and alcohol are not best of friends. 1 big drink was 1 too many. By the end of the night, he was in no shape for walking, let alone driving. B and I offered our couch for the night.
The next morning the three of us are talking and when I excuse myself to take a shower, B and F had a little chat. Turns out F has been living in his car for the past 5 months. While F is in the shower, B and I had a chat and decided to let F stay with us for a while.
Well a week later, we're wondering if that was such a smart move. F doesn't have a plan on how he's going to get on his feet. He more or less just takes each day as it comes. In his effort to not intrude upon B and I, he pretty much isn't around, but when he is around, he's on the front porch (his room) sleeping. If we have guests over, he leaves without letting us introduce him. When its just us, getting him to talk or engage in the activity going around him, it is like pulling teeth. I've told B that F is just sucking the life out of the house. I've been noticing I'm becoming more sensitive to the energy of rooms/people/etc and F is just draining everything. When I'm not excited to walk into my own home, something isn't right.
B and I spent numerous hours Thursday - Saturday talking about F and his impact on our home. When I got home from practice and movie watching with the VC, B and F were having "the talk". I chimed in a couple of times, specifically about my desire for F to add life to the home and not drain away the energy. It was a lot for him to receive and left him a little overwhelmed.
It will be interesting to see where this goes. I feel a huge amount of guilt that here we are trying to help someone, but realizing that I may not be able to do so, which then leads him back to living in the car. At the same time, you can only help those who want to help themselves. If he wants to take the "easy" way out and live in the car, his choice. He's been there for 5 months and not done anything to change it.
Can lead a horse to water, can't force it to drink. I only hope we can encourage F to drink.
A week ago B and I hosted a party/fundraiser out our home. The fundraiser was for an African medical facility a friend of ours visited while on safari last spring. Turns out that the Billions of dollars sent to Africa don't reach any of the small village medical centers. B and I decided to host a party where people brought medical supplies so we can send them to the medical facility and help them out a bit. About 50 people showed up and we raised a couple of boxes worth of supplies. Some of our guests really went all out. Coming with $50 plus is stuff is impressive.
One of our guests brought a friend from work. F received a noticable reaction upon entering the party. Being 23 with a tight little body covered in a wife beater and a long-sleeve shirt so tight you could see the veins in his bicepts goes along way. Numerous of the resident vultures went for the kill. Being a little 23 year old, he and alcohol are not best of friends. 1 big drink was 1 too many. By the end of the night, he was in no shape for walking, let alone driving. B and I offered our couch for the night.
The next morning the three of us are talking and when I excuse myself to take a shower, B and F had a little chat. Turns out F has been living in his car for the past 5 months. While F is in the shower, B and I had a chat and decided to let F stay with us for a while.
Well a week later, we're wondering if that was such a smart move. F doesn't have a plan on how he's going to get on his feet. He more or less just takes each day as it comes. In his effort to not intrude upon B and I, he pretty much isn't around, but when he is around, he's on the front porch (his room) sleeping. If we have guests over, he leaves without letting us introduce him. When its just us, getting him to talk or engage in the activity going around him, it is like pulling teeth. I've told B that F is just sucking the life out of the house. I've been noticing I'm becoming more sensitive to the energy of rooms/people/etc and F is just draining everything. When I'm not excited to walk into my own home, something isn't right.
B and I spent numerous hours Thursday - Saturday talking about F and his impact on our home. When I got home from practice and movie watching with the VC, B and F were having "the talk". I chimed in a couple of times, specifically about my desire for F to add life to the home and not drain away the energy. It was a lot for him to receive and left him a little overwhelmed.
It will be interesting to see where this goes. I feel a huge amount of guilt that here we are trying to help someone, but realizing that I may not be able to do so, which then leads him back to living in the car. At the same time, you can only help those who want to help themselves. If he wants to take the "easy" way out and live in the car, his choice. He's been there for 5 months and not done anything to change it.
Can lead a horse to water, can't force it to drink. I only hope we can encourage F to drink.
